So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
