apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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