the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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