I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
