took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My vagina is officially offended.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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