she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
