I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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