The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
