I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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