my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
