Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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