I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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