yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
