I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
