I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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