dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
