dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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