so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
