I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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