Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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