I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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