dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
