I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
