she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think your dad took our porno
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
