if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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