We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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