Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
