Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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