She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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