He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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