I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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