Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
