I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
