did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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