the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
