Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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