Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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