Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
