would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
