Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
