I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He shit in the fireplace
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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