He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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