you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
