you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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