remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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