The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
