we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
