no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
