Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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