he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
