Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
