Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
