Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
