haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
