Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
