Your tits are I can't wait for
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The struggles of a small town man whore
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
