how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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