Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
