Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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