where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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