everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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