We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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