his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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