The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
