Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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