I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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