So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
