just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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