Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
