So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
