Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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