Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
