my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
