I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
