omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
