when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
