And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
